Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Well, if it isn't the cashmere mafia!
Really, show, really? REALLY!? That's the best you could do??! "Well, if it isn't the cashmere mafia" ... then followed by "see you on campus, girls!" I really want to hate this show, but you have to understand that, historically, I have watched some HORRENDOUS television because of either 1) lesbian storylines, 2) hot girls, 3) lesbian subtext, or 4) dire boredom. To review:
- Profiler
- Birds of Prey (OMG BATGIRL IS GOING TO BE ON THE L WORD THIS SEASON! WTF!?)
- Women's Murder Club (seriously just have sex already, all of you)
- Umm ... I'm sure there are others. I will add them as I recall.
My first problem with this show is the writing, in that it is horrible and no one talks like that. It's worse than the L Word at times. My second problem is the horrible Sex-and-the-City-rip-off-ness that is going on. This has been expounded upon in numerous articles around the interwebs, so I won't reiterate everything here, but it's just absurd. Lucy Liu (sorry, have to use the actors' names, as I have no idea what the characters are named as I do not care at all) is the Carrie, except they made her Asian or whatever, and then I don't even know or care what roles/stereotypes the others play. All I know is that Miranda Otto talks like Samantha and I think they're sorta setting her up to be a little like her, kinda? Anyway, no one talks like that in real life, except for drag queens. Also hated by me: the awful soundtrack and Lucy Liu's wardrobe.
I'm not going to even touch upon the absurd storylines w/r/t/ successful women vs. the men they love, gender roles, and stupid shit like that because it's just painful. And you can find that elsewhere. I will talk about what I liked, though. I have had a thing for Frances O'Connor ever since Love and Other Catastrophes so I hope they don't make me hate her character. And the lesbian stuff was actually handled pretty well, I thought. Bonnie Somerville is adorable and funny and that right there is why I'll keep tuning in. I mean, I've stuck with The L Word since day 1, I can deal with this for a few weeks. (SPEAKING OF The L Word, Riese's recap of the season 5 premiere is up over at Auto-Straddle -- and The L Word Online -- and you should go read it cause I'm in it and it's better than the show itself!)
Oh, and hi. I'm gonna try to write more. But we all know I'm lying.
P.S. Although I have yet to see Juno, Ellen Page is AWESOME and I am utterly fascinated by Diablo Cody. Thank you for your time.
Labels: cashmere mafia, girls, l word, tv
posted by carlytron @ 1:03 AM,
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Saturday, December 01, 2007
that. just. happened.
Okay, two things, really quick[ly]:
1. Season 5 of The L Word is upon us, and in honor of that -- and to get everyone super stoked for our upcoming L Word recaps -- Riese and Haviland and I have made some awesome vlogs, so go check them out.
2. This just happened: my parents and I were in the car, driving home from dinner (sushi, yum), and as we pulled into our neighborhood, my mom changed the radio station. Begin scene:
The radio suddenly changes back to the previous station.Aaaaaand ... end scene!
Me: Dad, did you just change the radio back?
Dad: (snickering) Well I didn't like what mom put on.
Dad settles on a station playing a Dido song.
Mom: How is this better? Now we have to listen to Dido.
Dad: More like 'dildo.'
Silence.
Mom: I cannot believe you just said that.
Me: Oh my god.
Dad parks the car in the driveway.
Dad: What? What the hell kind of name is 'Dido' anyway?
Me: I have to get out of this car right now.
Dad: Oh, did I get her?
Mom: I think so.
Me: I have no words. I have to go inside. This is totally going in my blog.
Labels: autowin, family, l word, tv, vlogs
posted by carlytron @ 10:33 PM,
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Monday, August 13, 2007
South of Nowhere recap The First
Riese recently asked me to help her recap episodes of Season 3 of South of Nowhere, which premiered this past Friday. Obviously I said "YES" because if there is one thing I am good at it is watching TV and commenting on it (usually during the show, as all of my very patient friends can attest to). Her recap of the hour-long season premiere is now up and it features snarky comments from ME. South of Nowhere is a nice filler for hot gay recappery until The L Word starts again and while we work on getting our tv show on the air (or on the internet -- details coming soon!).
Labels: autowin, living it out, south of nowhere, tv
posted by carlytron @ 1:15 PM,
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Monday, July 09, 2007
an update, an apology
In the past two weeks I have:
- Gayed it up pretty well.
- Co-authored a TV pilot teleplay. No, seriously. Read more about that here.
- Unpacked my life after my move home.
- Gotten myself more work.
- Kept busy (clearly).
- Tried not thinking as an alternative.
- Apparently garnered many new readers. Hi, new readers! Look, I have a Statcounter, I know these things. So why don't you all start commenting and then I'll be motivated to post more, k? And I promise I'll always comment back.
- Seriously, though, I have definitely fallen behind on posting and I'm sorry but life just got all crazy. Road trip diary day 2 is almost done and I have heard that there are audio issues with the first day. Apparently the sound works if you go to the actual Youtube sites for each video, so try that if it doesn't work. I think I broke Youtube, is what happened.
Labels: autowin, life, the move, tv
posted by carlytron @ 2:45 AM,
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Wednesday, June 13, 2007
a message from the humidity
So, posts will be sparse for the next two weeks as I am indisposed and am feeling manic at best, but here are a few things that are great because I am Trying To Be Positive (I'm putting it out there to the universe, just like The Secret told me to!):
- Joseph and I are going to be taking a road trip from Florida to New Jersey next week, and there will be YouTube updates from the road (if we are able to stop and find wireless, if not they will all be uploaded at once when we get back).
- NY Pride is in a week and a half.
- Is anyone else kinda excited about Hey Paula? Yet another reason why I Love Bravo (I also love Kathy Griffin, I don't care what Jane says). Although I wish they had called it something amazing like, Paula Abdul: Straight Up, or Rush, Rush to Your TV, It's the Paula Abdul Show, or even She's a Cold Hearted Snake (g-girl!), Check Out Her Show (oh oh oh), or maybe just Vibeology (you can tell I was a big fan Back In The Day, which was a Wednesday).
- My next On The Lot recap will be up ... next week I guess? Jane has assured me that it was awful, though, so I'm excited.
Labels: jane, joseph, life, lists, on the lot, tv
posted by carlytron @ 12:20 AM,
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Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Robin Sparkles!
the "How I Met Your Mother" myspace page just posted the "Slap Bet" episode in its entirety. Relive the awesome right here:
Slap Bet a.k.a Robin Sparkles
Add to My Profile | More Videos
posted by carlytron @ 10:46 PM,
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Off the Lot, episode 2
Ahh, this is great. So the ratings for the first actual episode of "On The Lot" (which I bitched about here) were so low that Fox has decided to only show one episode per week, not two. Can't wait to see how this goes. Let's begin.
First of all, I hate Michael Bay. I happened to suffer through the MTV Movie Awards the other night, and not only was it horrible (I mean truly, truly awful), but it was like a several-hour-long Transformers commercial. I grew up playing with Transformers and was really excited to see the film until the Movie Awards completely took all the fun out of it. I was going to write a blog entry about the Awards, entitled "Sucking Michael Bay's Dick," but I don't feel that a show that bad deserves my time, especially when others have already taken care of it for me. So suffice it to say, I do not like Mr. Bay. And he is a total douchebag during this entire episode.
Moving on. Only 5 people are showing films? I am so confused. At least they gave us some criteria this time. Well, kinda. I still don't understand, do they film all of their films at once? Cause they shoot them in their hometowns. I'm really confused still. Ew, that moron Jason is wearing a "Ghetta Room" shirt. Bleh.
- Sam: "Broken Pipe Dreams." I don't know why the guy couldn't have just reached in and picked up the ring before that weird string/flushing thing happened, but ok, suspension of disbelief. The whole thing was way farfetched, but I guess that's what he was going for.
- Trevor: "Teri." Borrrrrrrrrriiiiiiing. I almost fell asleep watching this. "Resident Cutie"? WTF?
- Hilary: "The First Time I Met the Finklesteins." Sorry, this was obnoxious and a weird Meet the Parents rip-off. Can't anyone do anything original on this show? I'm with Garry, it was shot almost entirely in close-up, which is nauseating. She's a better writer than a director.
- Adam: "Dough: The Musical." I loved this. Very clever and creative and shooting a musical isn't easy. Coulda done without the girl saying she doesn't eat carbs, as it is a stereotype.
- Shalini: "Laughing Out Loud: A Comic Journey." Was it just me or were there some weird audio issues? I don't know if this is supposed to be a comedy or a documentary or what, so that confused me. I liked the direction and the subject matter, and thought it was well-made, but ... I have no idea. Like, I'm not really sure what I was watching. Overall I liked it ... I think. And I can't wait for Garry Marshall to stop reminding us that we "really need" women filmmakers.
Labels: on the lot, tv
posted by carlytron @ 9:56 PM,
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Wednesday, May 30, 2007
In praise of Bravo
I would like to thank Bravo, the television network, for being so, so, so damn gay. God, Bravo is so gay, right? It wasn't always super gay, but in the past few years it's become one of my favorite things. From Project Runway to Blow Out, I have been in love with Bravo for years now. Plus, they just acquired Television Without Pity, which has been one of my favorite sites for years. Bravo even caters to lesbians, too. So Bravo, I just want to say, I salute you. And, really, thank you for this, from the bottom of my gay little heart:
As an aside: did anyone see the Shear Genius reunion? Sally Hershberger totally wanted Tabatha. Anyone else pick up on that? Sally is, after all, supposedly the inspiration for Shane on The L Word.
Labels: girls, in praise of, tv
posted by carlytron @ 11:16 PM,
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Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Off The Lot, episode 1
Wow. Carrie Fisher is struggling. Let 'em have it, Carrie! tell them it sucked.
Sorry, I am watching all two hours of the first "actual" episode of On the Lot right now. I think I might make it a habit of commenting on this on a regular basis. not that I could ever possibly do as awesome of a job as all of the awesome people at Television Without Pity but I do feel that I have some things to say on the subject. And I am considering this episode the "first" one. The previous ones don't count because they were like an extended casting special. And I'm disappointed, because I love a good casting special.
First, some back story (back storrryyyyy!!). I have wanted to be a filmmaker ever since I was a kid. I remember watching this show called Movie Magic with my mom and wanting to do special effects in big Hollywood blockbusters. I wanted to blow up miniature cities and crap like that. As I grew up I had lots of other career aspirations (ice cream man, lawyer, architect), but whenever I grew tired of those I would always come back to filmmaking. After college I began working in television production (after saying I would "never" work in TV while I was in college) and really enjoyed it, so I am still working in TV. Watching a few episodes of On the Lot has actually reaffirmed, for me, my desire to stay in in television and not make the jump to film any time soon.
Right off the bat, I have some issues:
- The judges keep telling all of the "filmmakers" (I use that term loosely) that they are soooo talented, such incredible artists, such visual storytellers. Not all of them are talented, guys. They're giving them these compliments in the same breath as they are telling them they hated their films.
- I hate potty humor too, judges. What is with all of the farting and puking and gross stuff? Although I guess it's better than the student films I used to have to sit through during college, which were always about suicide, depression, spies, and lesbians. And not in the good way, either.
- I hate the host. Jane told me I would hate her, and she was right. She looks like that girl on Bones but like, totally lame. What happened to the host from the first few episodes where they narrowed the contestants from 50 to 18?
- Oh, yeah about that 18 thing. Um, why didn't we get to see the cut from 24 to 18? What happend there? And why didn't we get to meet many of the contestants during the first few episodes? Weird editing choice. I guess that it's for time purposes but it felt really disjointed.
- This is nitpicky, but why is the website "thelot.com" and not "onthelot.com"?
- The Verizon product placement is ridiculous. Integrating the phones into the films ... come on. Isn't enough to mention them whenever the stupid host says the phone numbers and whatnot? And I get it, we had to integrate Verizon phones into Hogan Knows Best when I worked on it, but this is a bit much.
- Did the filmmakers get big budgets for their first 1-minute comedy shorts? I don't think they said, all they mentioned was that they had a week to make them. Did the show provide the sets and actors for them? Cause I definitely recognized an actor or two, and they had some pretty elaborate sets (inside an airplane, etc.). I don't know ... I would just like it if they gave us all of the details but I am sure they never will.
- Are there any gay people on this show? On first glance (and reading their profiles on the official site) I would say "no," but sometimes I am wrong.
- Adam: "Dance Man." Liked him, liked his film. I can see him doing well on this show, I have no problem with him at all.
- Carolina: "Deliver Me." I have nothing against her, she doesn't really annoy me at all. Her film was ok. I didn't like it as much as the judges, but I thought it was good. You can tell that her talent is in cinematography, the editing seemed a bit oddly paced to me.
- Andrew: "Spaced Out." I really liked the aliens, they were so cute. Good effects. I hate fake vomit almost as much as I hate actual vomit. I liked him in the previous episodes too. He might be my favorite, if I had one. Also of note, the website lists his location as "Munneapolis, MN," which definitely does not exist.
- Kenny: "Wack Alley Cab." How is this guy more pretentious than most film students? He didn't even go to film school. Hey did you know that he didn't go to film school? Something tells me that he didn't go to film school. Except that his film looks exactly like an "edgy" film student's thesis project. Not only did I have no idea what was going on at all, I was convinced that I was on drugs the entire time I was watching it. Also, I hate "wacky." Unfortunately, I am worried that the viewing public likes him. We shall see. Please, get rid of him. Also, he looks homeless.
- Hilary: "Bus #1." Gross title, first of all. Pee humor also does nothing for me. Also, why were all of these adults on a school bus? Why not a normal bus? I didn't really like this one very much. Good comedic timing, but ... yeah, no.
- Marty: "The Big Bad Heist." I thought he was gay in the previous episodes. He was annoying with that other asshole guy who got eliminated, but I don't know how I feel about him. Mostly indifferent. I don't know why he made a trailer and not a standalone piece. Reminds me of when I applied to film school and submitted a trailer when they explicitly asked for "no trailers." Follow the directions, is all I'm saying. His film seemed pretty cool though. Well shot and bumbling criminals are pretty funny. Very Snatch which is kind of a rip-off. And the whole thing seemed skewed vertically? Anyone else think that? Like he didn't downconvert correctly or something.
- Will: "Lucky Penny." Good idea, could've been executed a little better. The first of two films where someone gets hit by a vehicle, what the fuck is with the violence in all of these pieces? I guess violence is funny. *shrug* Anyway, I like this guy as a person, I kinda bought into the whole sob story about the wife and the kid and the last chance at the dream, etc. etc. but that's gonna get old if I have to hear about it too much more.
- Jessica: "... To Screw In a Light Bulb." Jessica kinda bugs. I wanted to like her, cause I sorta got the gay vibe from her in previous episodes. But she's a bit much. I liked the concept but again, I had problems with the execution. I think there were too many additional characters thrown in too quickly, maybe quick cuts that added more characters each time. The glam rocker mugging for the camera cracked me up though. Carrie Fisher was funny trying to comment on this film.
- Mateen: "Soft." I totally loved this film, although I think I have used his background music in edits before. Gotta love music libraries. The twist in this was pretty funny, and the friends in this film cracked me up too.
- Claudia: "Blind Date." "Fluent in the language of movies," really announcer lady? How about, "her eyes are like lenses, her legs like a dolly." I wish she was played by Natasha from Top Model, they both have that "I'm kinda nuts and have an accent!" thing going on. I mostly liked this film until the bathroom fart nonsense. Hm, really getting the sense that I don't like gross-out humor, huh? I thought the girl in this was eating rocks out of that martini glass. Why wasn't she drinking? She acted drunk. This one was okay, I guess. Definitely not one of my favorites though.
- Jason: "Ghetta Rhoom." Way to promote the ignorant southern guy thing. I, too, was kinda offended by this piece. The main character totally came off as mentally retarded, not nerdy. I was really uncomfortable watching this. I like Jason's small-town story but I think this film might get him sent home. Another film where someone is hit by a truck, too.
- David: "FIle Size." Who is this guy? Was he on the show before? I wouldn't know, cause we never saw him. I liked the premise and mostly liked the film but I don't know, the end was weird? Maybe that's what was off about it? And I love office humor too. I loved the little montage of the guy with the stapler though.
- Zach: "Danger Zone." I liked that this was all one shot, cause I always love that, but his whole special effects thing is a total gimmick and at some point in this competition the judges are going to want to see something else, something new, something different. But this show is up to votes from the public, and they seem to like him, so he might do okay. I think he's not really a filmmaker though, he's a visual effects artist. But that's just me. I just think it's lame that the judges keep drooling over him when he's just doing fancy effects, not making a film.
- Trever: "A Golf Story." I don't like how "Trever" spells his name. He was the guy in the really disfunctional group with Marty and Asshole last week. Trever wisely didn't speak up during that debacle and now has made it this far, smart move. I didn't get that this was a mini golf course, though. Where's the windmill? Something that looks like a mini golf course? Anything?
- Shalini: "Love In the Year 2007." Wow. Way too much happening in a minute. Very ambitious. Liked the subject matter, but I don't see how this accomplished her goal of showing how all this technology actually moves us further apart instead of closer together. I didn't see that at all. And yeah, total Must Love Dogs rip-off.
- Phil: "Please Hold." I like this guy. His film was pretty good too. The 911 bit was humorous. I ... didn't really get ... the piggy bank ... either.
- Shira-Lee: "Check Out." Ok, yeah. I'll admit it ... this was really funny. I didn't see the need to fawn over it as much as the judges did, but I liked it. The close-up of the girl in the film showed some crazy eyes so maybe ... we don't do close-ups like that anymore?
- Sam: "Replication Theory." I like Sam, and I liked this movie. Even though I hate fart jokes, like a lot, I totally loved the whole idea of "replication." Good stuff.
Labels: on the lot, tv
posted by carlytron @ 5:31 PM,
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Monday, March 26, 2007
My thoughts on the L Word season 4 finale
Dear L Word,
What the fucking fuck?
Love,
carlytron + her lesbian posse (all 4 of them)
P.S. If, possibly, Jenny could just stay adrift at sea (nice metaphor, by the way) for all of next season, that would be super.
P.P.S. More Dana, please. Maybe she could narrate or just talk to the living characters when they have problems. I don't care, I'll take it.
posted by carlytron @ 12:07 AM,
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Saturday, March 24, 2007
Top Ten List from "How I Met Your Mother"
I have to post this, if only so that I can always go back and read it. On the most recent episode of "How I Met Your Mother," Barney stole Ted's moving truck and converted the back of it into some kind of sex den. Eventually Ted got the truck back and subsequentally returned it (as it was a rental, after all). The episode ends with Barney reciting the following Top Ten list, David Letterman style (he even giggles):
The Top Ten Things I Would've Called My Truck If Ted Hadn't Been A Jerk And Given It Back
10. The Winne-bang-o
9. The Pick-Up Truck
8. The Ford Explore-her
7. The You Scream Truck
6. Feels On Wheels
5. The Ride-her Truck
4. The 18-Squealer
3. The Esca-laid
2. The Slam-boni
And the Number 1 Thing I Would've Called My Truck If Ted Hadn't Been A Jerk And Given It Back ...
1. the 69 chevy
View the extended version here. The extended version includes these additional gems:
- The Screw-haul
- The Fed-Sex Truck
- The Vulvo
- The Bump-her Car
- The Poon Buggy
- The Starship Enter-her-prise
- The Jeep Bangler
- The Barely-18-Wheeler
- The Lim-ho-sine
- The Snatch-back
- The Mercedes Benz-her-over
- The Hummer
- And The Volkswagen Hug
Labels: how i met your mother, lists, tv, videos
posted by carlytron @ 3:22 AM,
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Thursday, February 08, 2007
In praise of "Body Fusion"
Once again, SNL has created another awesome digital short. I present to you ... Body Fusion!
Labels: in praise of, snl, tv, videos
posted by carlytron @ 6:39 PM,
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