Wednesday, June 13, 2007
a message from the humidity
So, posts will be sparse for the next two weeks as I am indisposed and am feeling manic at best, but here are a few things that are great because I am Trying To Be Positive (I'm putting it out there to the universe, just like The Secret told me to!):
- Joseph and I are going to be taking a road trip from Florida to New Jersey next week, and there will be YouTube updates from the road (if we are able to stop and find wireless, if not they will all be uploaded at once when we get back).
- NY Pride is in a week and a half.
- Is anyone else kinda excited about Hey Paula? Yet another reason why I Love Bravo (I also love Kathy Griffin, I don't care what Jane says). Although I wish they had called it something amazing like, Paula Abdul: Straight Up, or Rush, Rush to Your TV, It's the Paula Abdul Show, or even She's a Cold Hearted Snake (g-girl!), Check Out Her Show (oh oh oh), or maybe just Vibeology (you can tell I was a big fan Back In The Day, which was a Wednesday).
- My next On The Lot recap will be up ... next week I guess? Jane has assured me that it was awful, though, so I'm excited.
Labels: jane, joseph, life, lists, on the lot, tv
posted by carlytron @ 12:20 AM,
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Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Off the Lot, episode 2
Ahh, this is great. So the ratings for the first actual episode of "On The Lot" (which I bitched about here) were so low that Fox has decided to only show one episode per week, not two. Can't wait to see how this goes. Let's begin.
First of all, I hate Michael Bay. I happened to suffer through the MTV Movie Awards the other night, and not only was it horrible (I mean truly, truly awful), but it was like a several-hour-long Transformers commercial. I grew up playing with Transformers and was really excited to see the film until the Movie Awards completely took all the fun out of it. I was going to write a blog entry about the Awards, entitled "Sucking Michael Bay's Dick," but I don't feel that a show that bad deserves my time, especially when others have already taken care of it for me. So suffice it to say, I do not like Mr. Bay. And he is a total douchebag during this entire episode.
Moving on. Only 5 people are showing films? I am so confused. At least they gave us some criteria this time. Well, kinda. I still don't understand, do they film all of their films at once? Cause they shoot them in their hometowns. I'm really confused still. Ew, that moron Jason is wearing a "Ghetta Room" shirt. Bleh.
- Sam: "Broken Pipe Dreams." I don't know why the guy couldn't have just reached in and picked up the ring before that weird string/flushing thing happened, but ok, suspension of disbelief. The whole thing was way farfetched, but I guess that's what he was going for.
- Trevor: "Teri." Borrrrrrrrrriiiiiiing. I almost fell asleep watching this. "Resident Cutie"? WTF?
- Hilary: "The First Time I Met the Finklesteins." Sorry, this was obnoxious and a weird Meet the Parents rip-off. Can't anyone do anything original on this show? I'm with Garry, it was shot almost entirely in close-up, which is nauseating. She's a better writer than a director.
- Adam: "Dough: The Musical." I loved this. Very clever and creative and shooting a musical isn't easy. Coulda done without the girl saying she doesn't eat carbs, as it is a stereotype.
- Shalini: "Laughing Out Loud: A Comic Journey." Was it just me or were there some weird audio issues? I don't know if this is supposed to be a comedy or a documentary or what, so that confused me. I liked the direction and the subject matter, and thought it was well-made, but ... I have no idea. Like, I'm not really sure what I was watching. Overall I liked it ... I think. And I can't wait for Garry Marshall to stop reminding us that we "really need" women filmmakers.
Labels: on the lot, tv
posted by carlytron @ 9:56 PM,
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Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Off The Lot, episode 1
Wow. Carrie Fisher is struggling. Let 'em have it, Carrie! tell them it sucked.
Sorry, I am watching all two hours of the first "actual" episode of On the Lot right now. I think I might make it a habit of commenting on this on a regular basis. not that I could ever possibly do as awesome of a job as all of the awesome people at Television Without Pity but I do feel that I have some things to say on the subject. And I am considering this episode the "first" one. The previous ones don't count because they were like an extended casting special. And I'm disappointed, because I love a good casting special.
First, some back story (back storrryyyyy!!). I have wanted to be a filmmaker ever since I was a kid. I remember watching this show called Movie Magic with my mom and wanting to do special effects in big Hollywood blockbusters. I wanted to blow up miniature cities and crap like that. As I grew up I had lots of other career aspirations (ice cream man, lawyer, architect), but whenever I grew tired of those I would always come back to filmmaking. After college I began working in television production (after saying I would "never" work in TV while I was in college) and really enjoyed it, so I am still working in TV. Watching a few episodes of On the Lot has actually reaffirmed, for me, my desire to stay in in television and not make the jump to film any time soon.
Right off the bat, I have some issues:
- The judges keep telling all of the "filmmakers" (I use that term loosely) that they are soooo talented, such incredible artists, such visual storytellers. Not all of them are talented, guys. They're giving them these compliments in the same breath as they are telling them they hated their films.
- I hate potty humor too, judges. What is with all of the farting and puking and gross stuff? Although I guess it's better than the student films I used to have to sit through during college, which were always about suicide, depression, spies, and lesbians. And not in the good way, either.
- I hate the host. Jane told me I would hate her, and she was right. She looks like that girl on Bones but like, totally lame. What happened to the host from the first few episodes where they narrowed the contestants from 50 to 18?
- Oh, yeah about that 18 thing. Um, why didn't we get to see the cut from 24 to 18? What happend there? And why didn't we get to meet many of the contestants during the first few episodes? Weird editing choice. I guess that it's for time purposes but it felt really disjointed.
- This is nitpicky, but why is the website "thelot.com" and not "onthelot.com"?
- The Verizon product placement is ridiculous. Integrating the phones into the films ... come on. Isn't enough to mention them whenever the stupid host says the phone numbers and whatnot? And I get it, we had to integrate Verizon phones into Hogan Knows Best when I worked on it, but this is a bit much.
- Did the filmmakers get big budgets for their first 1-minute comedy shorts? I don't think they said, all they mentioned was that they had a week to make them. Did the show provide the sets and actors for them? Cause I definitely recognized an actor or two, and they had some pretty elaborate sets (inside an airplane, etc.). I don't know ... I would just like it if they gave us all of the details but I am sure they never will.
- Are there any gay people on this show? On first glance (and reading their profiles on the official site) I would say "no," but sometimes I am wrong.
- Adam: "Dance Man." Liked him, liked his film. I can see him doing well on this show, I have no problem with him at all.
- Carolina: "Deliver Me." I have nothing against her, she doesn't really annoy me at all. Her film was ok. I didn't like it as much as the judges, but I thought it was good. You can tell that her talent is in cinematography, the editing seemed a bit oddly paced to me.
- Andrew: "Spaced Out." I really liked the aliens, they were so cute. Good effects. I hate fake vomit almost as much as I hate actual vomit. I liked him in the previous episodes too. He might be my favorite, if I had one. Also of note, the website lists his location as "Munneapolis, MN," which definitely does not exist.
- Kenny: "Wack Alley Cab." How is this guy more pretentious than most film students? He didn't even go to film school. Hey did you know that he didn't go to film school? Something tells me that he didn't go to film school. Except that his film looks exactly like an "edgy" film student's thesis project. Not only did I have no idea what was going on at all, I was convinced that I was on drugs the entire time I was watching it. Also, I hate "wacky." Unfortunately, I am worried that the viewing public likes him. We shall see. Please, get rid of him. Also, he looks homeless.
- Hilary: "Bus #1." Gross title, first of all. Pee humor also does nothing for me. Also, why were all of these adults on a school bus? Why not a normal bus? I didn't really like this one very much. Good comedic timing, but ... yeah, no.
- Marty: "The Big Bad Heist." I thought he was gay in the previous episodes. He was annoying with that other asshole guy who got eliminated, but I don't know how I feel about him. Mostly indifferent. I don't know why he made a trailer and not a standalone piece. Reminds me of when I applied to film school and submitted a trailer when they explicitly asked for "no trailers." Follow the directions, is all I'm saying. His film seemed pretty cool though. Well shot and bumbling criminals are pretty funny. Very Snatch which is kind of a rip-off. And the whole thing seemed skewed vertically? Anyone else think that? Like he didn't downconvert correctly or something.
- Will: "Lucky Penny." Good idea, could've been executed a little better. The first of two films where someone gets hit by a vehicle, what the fuck is with the violence in all of these pieces? I guess violence is funny. *shrug* Anyway, I like this guy as a person, I kinda bought into the whole sob story about the wife and the kid and the last chance at the dream, etc. etc. but that's gonna get old if I have to hear about it too much more.
- Jessica: "... To Screw In a Light Bulb." Jessica kinda bugs. I wanted to like her, cause I sorta got the gay vibe from her in previous episodes. But she's a bit much. I liked the concept but again, I had problems with the execution. I think there were too many additional characters thrown in too quickly, maybe quick cuts that added more characters each time. The glam rocker mugging for the camera cracked me up though. Carrie Fisher was funny trying to comment on this film.
- Mateen: "Soft." I totally loved this film, although I think I have used his background music in edits before. Gotta love music libraries. The twist in this was pretty funny, and the friends in this film cracked me up too.
- Claudia: "Blind Date." "Fluent in the language of movies," really announcer lady? How about, "her eyes are like lenses, her legs like a dolly." I wish she was played by Natasha from Top Model, they both have that "I'm kinda nuts and have an accent!" thing going on. I mostly liked this film until the bathroom fart nonsense. Hm, really getting the sense that I don't like gross-out humor, huh? I thought the girl in this was eating rocks out of that martini glass. Why wasn't she drinking? She acted drunk. This one was okay, I guess. Definitely not one of my favorites though.
- Jason: "Ghetta Rhoom." Way to promote the ignorant southern guy thing. I, too, was kinda offended by this piece. The main character totally came off as mentally retarded, not nerdy. I was really uncomfortable watching this. I like Jason's small-town story but I think this film might get him sent home. Another film where someone is hit by a truck, too.
- David: "FIle Size." Who is this guy? Was he on the show before? I wouldn't know, cause we never saw him. I liked the premise and mostly liked the film but I don't know, the end was weird? Maybe that's what was off about it? And I love office humor too. I loved the little montage of the guy with the stapler though.
- Zach: "Danger Zone." I liked that this was all one shot, cause I always love that, but his whole special effects thing is a total gimmick and at some point in this competition the judges are going to want to see something else, something new, something different. But this show is up to votes from the public, and they seem to like him, so he might do okay. I think he's not really a filmmaker though, he's a visual effects artist. But that's just me. I just think it's lame that the judges keep drooling over him when he's just doing fancy effects, not making a film.
- Trever: "A Golf Story." I don't like how "Trever" spells his name. He was the guy in the really disfunctional group with Marty and Asshole last week. Trever wisely didn't speak up during that debacle and now has made it this far, smart move. I didn't get that this was a mini golf course, though. Where's the windmill? Something that looks like a mini golf course? Anything?
- Shalini: "Love In the Year 2007." Wow. Way too much happening in a minute. Very ambitious. Liked the subject matter, but I don't see how this accomplished her goal of showing how all this technology actually moves us further apart instead of closer together. I didn't see that at all. And yeah, total Must Love Dogs rip-off.
- Phil: "Please Hold." I like this guy. His film was pretty good too. The 911 bit was humorous. I ... didn't really get ... the piggy bank ... either.
- Shira-Lee: "Check Out." Ok, yeah. I'll admit it ... this was really funny. I didn't see the need to fawn over it as much as the judges did, but I liked it. The close-up of the girl in the film showed some crazy eyes so maybe ... we don't do close-ups like that anymore?
- Sam: "Replication Theory." I like Sam, and I liked this movie. Even though I hate fart jokes, like a lot, I totally loved the whole idea of "replication." Good stuff.
Labels: on the lot, tv
posted by carlytron @ 5:31 PM,
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