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Sunday, December 02, 2007

wish list: winter 2k7 edition

This is a work in progress.

Right now, all I know is that I need this shirt, made by Blacktooth:

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posted by carlytron @ 1:22 AM, , links to this post


Friday, July 27, 2007

konichiwa, bitches!

I am sitting in Matt and Roy's living room. I am champion dog/cat/apartment-sitter. It is also really, really hot in here. It is slowly cooling off, and so am I. Also of note: Cesar will be here in a little while. Like, he will have moved here. For reals. And I am beyond excited about this.

So apparently I was "tagged" by nycrouge. I have no idea what that means, quite frankly. But I was! So I read up and now I know what that all means and basically, there are rules, and I shall follow them:

  1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
  2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
  3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
  4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
  5. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.
So. There's that. And here's my 8 Random Carly Fun Facts (there is no theme, other than ME and my innate randomness):

Random Fact the First:
I have an obsession with sunglasses. Giant, plastic, inexpensive sunglasses, to be specific. I have way too many. I also have some metal ones, most are aviators. But the giant plastic ones are hard to beat. All of mine average out to about $8 each, which is great for when I lose/break them. Usually I have a friend with me to talk me down from buying ones that are completely idiotic-looking, but today, when I went to get lunch at St. Mark's, I caved and bought this awesome pair that I've been eyeing all week:
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Clearly no one was with me to say, "um, those are ridiculous." You will notice that there is no photo of me actually wearing my new glasses, and this is because the only phrase to describe me right now is "hot mess," and hot messes should not be photographed (unless they are random people you see on the subway or passing by, then it's fine).

Random Fact the Second:
I have no tattoos or piercings (not even my ears). I like to think of it like this: had my parents taken me to get my ears pierced when I was too young to know any better (as they did with my sister), I'd have them pierced. But they didn't, so I don't. Lately, however, I have been toying with the notion of getting a tattoo (probs on my right forearm). I'm open to suggestions, as I can't seem to make up my mind.

Random Fact the Third:
I have this weird obsession with turning my mouth blue, I have since I was a kid. If there is an opportunity to turn my mouth blue (like a blue lollipop or whatever), and I don't take that opportunity, I will like, go crazy, I think. I don't really know, cause I've never let myself find out. I think it's related to my OCD.

Random Fact the Fourth:
I can memorize stuff pretty quickly. Like movie quotes, entire films (Empire Records, Clueless, etc.), TV shows (The Office, etc.), and comic strips. For instance, I can recite this Calvin & Hobbes passage entirely from memory:
Attention! All Rise! This meeting of G.R.O.S.S.
Is now called to order by the great grandiose
Dictator-For-Life, the ruler supreme
The fearless, the brave, the held-high-in-esteem,
Calvin the Bold! Yes, stand up and hail
His humbleness now! May his wisdom prevail!

Three cheers for First Tiger and El Presidente,
Hobbes, the delight of all cognoscenti!
He's savvy! He has a prodigious IQ,
And lots of panache, as all tigers do!
In his fancy chapeau, he's a leader with taste!
May his orders be heeded and his views be embraced!
Random Fact the Fifth:
Many of my skills I acquired via teaching myself. For instance: playing guitar, video editing, Photoshop, html, and raising my right eyebrow (I trained myself to do the one, then got bored and never did the other one). I'm a very logical person, like if there's something I want to know more about, I'll research it. This almost proved to backfire in high school. Once I thought I "might be gay" (suuuure), I started researching all sorts of gay culture and whatnot online. Bear in mind, this was back in like, '97 or '98, so there wasn't nearly as much online as there is today. There also was no WIKIPEDIA, although I don't really want to know what Wikipedia has to say about being gay. After my research, I was like, "yup, totes gay." Then I thought "what if my research MADE ME GAY!?" and then I realized that that was completely retarded. Then Brandi Chastain ripped her shirt off after scoring the winning goal in the World Cup and I was like, "nope, had nothing to do with the internet, I am a total lez."

Random Fact the Sixth:
One of my exes tried to strangle me in a bar once. This occurred: 1) after we broke up and were trying to "be friends," and 2) while all of my friends were either getting more drinks or in the bathroom. In retrospect it is hilarious, but at the time I was like "damn! she ruined my new shirt!" Needless to say, we are currently not friends.

Random Fact the Seventh:
I was going to save this for when-thefuck-ever I decide to finish the list of reasons why I am awesome, but I will tell this story now, because it is Really Incredible. So my high school was kinda weird, and in my English classes our teachers would always have us do "artistic interpretations" of books/plays we'd read in class, instead of like, reports or papers. So that was awesome, less writing for me. And I completely exploited this assignment, always. I actually won the "most creative English projects" (or something else along those lines, they made it up anyway) at my senior awards lunch. I usually made videos (the story of the Puritans, as told through Legos, or The Yellow Wallpaper, which included a behind-the-scenes making of featurette wherein I played all of the parts, natch) or did ridiculous in-class presentations (Kafka's In The Penal Colony and Our Town, as told through sock puppets). The most ridiculous/awesome of which was my speech from Hamlet.

To fully appreciate this story you have to understand that this was near the end of senior year, and I was pretty much Over School at this point. On the day in question, I had two presentations due. One was in Latin (4 years of honors Latin, what what!?), wherein I had to wear a toga and give a speech like I was running for public office (I think I was running for Quaestor, but I can't be certain). The night before, I couldn't find any white sheets at our hours (and most Romans didn't wear white anyway) so I brought a pale yellow sheet in. I gave my Latin presentation that morning, then shoved the sheet in my locker and tried desperately to memorize my second presentation of the day, a speech by Hamlet's father. You might recall that his father is a ghost throughout the play. I chose the ghost because of Eddie Izzard, whom I was obsessed with at the time. During his show Dress To Kill he does this bit about the Holy Ghost, wandering around and moaning, "holy ghost, holy ghooooost" over and over again (it's much funnier when he does it. Maybe it's on youtube?). So I chose the Ghost Dad simply because if I couldn't memorize it in time (which I wouldn't), then at least I could entertain the class by skulking around and moaning like Eddie Izzard. It was foolproof.

So having to do the Latin presentation the night before required me to have no time to memorize Hamlet. I had 30 lines, and wrote them all on index cards. English was our last class of the day and my teacher asked if anyone didn't do the assignment. Myself and one other girl raised our hands, defeated. But I totes didn't care, I had already gotten into college. What difference did any of this make? So all of my friends presented, they did really well, whatevs. Finally everyone had presented, and my teacher asked if anyone else had to go. Suddenly, I had a Brill Idea. I said I wanted to present, that I had been joking about being unprepared, and that I had to go to my locker to get my prop. You see where this is going, right?

I grabbed the sheet, threw it over my head, and presented the damn thing. I stood in front of the class, "in character" (read: sheet over my head, which looked somewhat like this), and read the notecards from under said sheet. It was amazing. And all my friends totally figured it out, immediately. The only person who didn't, somehow, was my teacher. So I read the whole damn thing, even pausing to sound like I was trying to remember my lines every now and then, even pausing to SCRATCH MY HEAD as if I was reeeeally trying hard to remember at one point. As I finished, I tucked the cards into my cargo pocket (cause I was a big ol' closeted dyke and all, so cargo pants were the norm) and started to lift the sheet. And that's when I saw one of my friends crouched down in front of me, moments from pulling the sheet off and giving the whole thing away.

And to this day? I have no idea if my English teacher had any idea. I'd really like to go and ask her. One of these days ...

Random Fact the Eighth:
Maybe you haven't heard, but Riese and I wrote a fucking brill TV pilot, and we need people to help us get it produced! So if you yourself are (or you know anyone who is) employed by HBO or any other major networks, or you have a bunch of money to invest, or you're an amazing actor/crewperson, please let us know ASAP. Global domination is like, weeks away, I can feel it.

BONUS!! You can read a list of 100 things you'd never care to know/ask about me on my myspace, as I have recently made it un-private. Once again, we'll see how long this lasts.

Oh! I almost forgot! I tag:

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posted by carlytron @ 11:01 PM, , links to this post


Wednesday, June 13, 2007

a message from the humidity

So, posts will be sparse for the next two weeks as I am indisposed and am feeling manic at best, but here are a few things that are great because I am Trying To Be Positive (I'm putting it out there to the universe, just like The Secret told me to!):

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posted by carlytron @ 12:20 AM, , links to this post


Monday, May 28, 2007

i will create my own fun

a few things, then bed, then more excitement:

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posted by carlytron @ 3:35 AM, , links to this post


Saturday, May 26, 2007

On why I am awesome (part the first)

This was inspired by a conversation I had with Jane, and is a product of my incredibly obnoxious insomnia. this is a list of why I am awesome. For the purposes of this list, "awesome" will be used in reference to any thing/event/action I have been involved in that makes for a totally great, interesting story. This also allows me to now tell these fantastic stories, and if there is one thing I love it's Talking About Me. Oh, and these are in random order. And each one is kinda long so I'm going to have to break them up into separate posts.

10. I cut off all of my hair the day of my senior prom.
I had really long hair for the longest time and finally in high school I cut it to shoulder-length, where it remained until the afternoon of my senior prom. Prior to the cut I always wore it in buns or ponytails because I Was a Jock. So around lunchtime I went to get my hair done in a fancy up-do, but once I got to the salon I decided to chop it all off instead. I had been toying with the idea for a while and it was obvs. a part of my Subtly Convince My Friends To Tell Me That I Am Gay Because I Refuse To Come Out plan (list coming soon, natch.), I was also ready for a change. So, off the hair went, and I showed up to prom looking smoking hot.

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I know it's hard to tell the differences but you're just going to have to trust me here. The photo on the left is from the ever-popular "Carly With Beverages" series.


It is important to note that the year was 2000. It is also important to note that I went to this prom alone, without a date. I went to junior prom with a guy friend of mine, but senior prom was a solo venture, which made my fashionably late entrance all the more awesome ... all of my guy friends who didn't want to go to the prom with me were totally shocked and awed by my hotness (which I promised them would happen, but no one believed me, of course). I rarely speak highly of myself, as far as appearance goes, but that was a totally awesome moment and I'm really proud of myself for that. And I totally knew I was gay and didn't really care what the boys thought anyhow.

9. I publically embarassed myself a lot in high school by creating choreographed dance routines to pop songs.
In high school Jane and I tried to convince everyone how cool we were by openly hating pop music. We were all, "oh, Our Lady Peace and Incubus are sooooo cool, what the hell is this *NSync crap?" except we secretly loved it a lot. So much so that we performed choreographed dance routines at our school's talent show-type events as a "joke." But really, how much of a joke is it when you're practicing several times a week? Yeah, didn't think so. Videos of these performances are absolutely coming soon, I think the world is finally ready to see this.

Our first performance was a 3-person dance routine to a medley of pop songs, including (but not limited to) such hits as "Summergirls" by LFO, "Crazy" by crazy Britney herself, and "Tearin' Up My Heart" by *NSync. Our second performance was even more impressive, as we finally had a 5-person "boy band" (consisting of 5 girls, obvs.) and performed two songs in their entirety, "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys and "Bye Bye Bye" by *NSync. We named our boy band "Back 'NSync" (get it?). IWITW really didn't have too much choreography, it more about the emoting via lip synching and amazing hand gestures (and all of us trying not to laugh too much). B^3 however was much more involved and we tried to learn all of the choreography to the song. It was amazing, and I almost ruined it twice during the performance (which was ironic, because I spent all week promising everyone that I would not be the "rhythmless nation" they so thought I would be). I used to have photos of this but I deleted them all so the videos will be up soon.

8. My friends and I participated in a taping of the show Most Extreme Elimination Challenge.
So this is one of those "you guys, this is gonna ROCK!" kinda moments, and then it turns out to be terrible. For those who don't know Most Extreme Elimination Challenge (MXC) was a Japanese show that aired a few years ago on Spike! with crazy English dubs. It's like a live action video game. Is it still on? Does anyone know? It's such a crazy show, and we used to DVR it we loved it so much.

Then we found out that they were going to be shooting a college version in Orlando at Universal Studios, and were casting at school. So myself and a few other friends showed up, waited out in the heat for hours, and finally auditioned by running this retarded obstacle course. Somehow, we were all asked to go to the taping.

The night before the taping, we went out and my dumb ass got so drunk that I was horrendously hung over the next morning. We had to leave horribly early and I remember lying on my bed, moaning, "you guys go, leave me here to die" to my friends who were like, "seriously, Carly? we have to go." Finally they got me out of the apartment. And yes, I did feel like I was going to die. I should also mention that we spent several days putting together several ridiculous costumes each. Thrift stores are amazing for this sort of thing. One of my costumes was entirely silver, including my silver tennis shoes. One of Joseph's costumes was a Japanese school girl (remember that, it will come into play again later). I really don't remember any of our other costumes and I'm kinda bummed that none of us have any pictures. I think there were jumpsuits involved, though.

Anyway so we were there and shooting outside of the building that I ended up working in several years later (how odd). Our first competition was to run across this like, swimming pool-sized lake by stepping on these floating stone things, but some of them wouldn't hold our weight and we would fall. So if you could make it across you won, but if not, you lost. Most people didn't make it across. I don't think that any of my friends did either. It was maybe 30 minutes until my turn for this when my hangover subsided and my fear of whatever ungodly thing I had somehow signed myself up for kicked in. I totally wanted to leave, like immediately. But then it was my turn.

Remember I'm wearing a silver outfit. A stretchy silver shirt (like a frat-boy-dude-bro would have worn out in the late 90s), a silver cape (I think that was from Joseph's Drag Drawer), and these silver pants. They were like, plastic, and I called them "sauna pants" because they made my legs sweat like nothing I had ever experienced before. These were the pants you'd wear when you wanted to lose 5 pounds in 5 minutes by running on a treadmill. Anyway so it's my turn and I go running across this thing like a banshee and I actually thought I was going to make it across. I remember thinking to myself, "oh my God I'm going to make it" and then right as I hit like, the 3/4 mark, I faceplanted into the water. The water was freezing and I think I went into shock. I could barely get out of the water because it was basically a large hole in the ground and there was mud along side from all of the kids who had gone before me.

So I sorta had to like, roll myself out, in shock and weighing a ton because my crazy outfit was retaining water. Then, a new sensation. I realized that the impact of my fall had split my sauna pants right up the middle. I shit you not. So I had to somehow get out of the water and not let my destroyed pants fall off. After we changed and I tried not to be mortified, we realized that Joseph was the only one was enthusiastic at all, the rest of us wanted to go home. We cuddled together on these weird couches near craft services while Joseph kept on with it, participating in the other events. He got to do this thing where you had to run across a rotating cylinder and not fall off. I was like, "no thank you."

Shockingly, none of my footage made the show. But's Joseph did! He was the only one of my friends who did, dressed as a Japanese school girl. I actually have that episode saved on my DVR in Orlando and I have to remember to copy it to a tape or something when I am down there in June.


Ok that's all for now, check back for the next installment.

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posted by carlytron @ 4:21 AM, , links to this post


Saturday, May 19, 2007

what i am listening to, 5.19.07

in an effort to remember to write on here more, i'm going to make myself write lists from time to time. lists are easier than ... actually writing anything substantial. moving on ...

what I am listening to right now: albums

  1. Björk - Volta
  2. The Rakes - Ten New Messages
  3. Amy Winehouse - Back To Black
  4. Tracey Thorn - Out of the Woods
  5. Cold War Kids - Robbers & Cowards
  6. Ed Banger Records - Ed Rec Vols. 1 & 2
  7. Feist - The Reminder
  8. Exposé - all 3 albums cause they are awesome
  9. Young Love - Too Young To Fight It

what I am listening to right now: songs
  1. Uffie - Pop The Glock
  2. Salt 'n' Pepa - Do You Really Want Me?
  3. Bloc Party - Hunting For Witches (RAC Remix)
  4. Timbaland - Laff At 'Em (feat. Jay-Z and Justin Timberlake)
  5. Matt and Kim - Yeah Yeah (Flosstradamus remix)
  6. The Presets - Cookie
  7. Rihanna - Umbrella (feat. Jay-Z)
  8. Depeche Mode - Halo
  9. Death From Above 1979 - Blood On Our Hands (Justice remix)
  10. Bon Jovi - Runaway
  11. !!! - Heart of Hearts
  12. Editors - All Sparks (Phones remix)
  13. The Faint - The Conductor (Joy Electric remix)
  14. The Knife - We Share Our Mothers' Health
  15. Mika - Lollipop

what I will be listening to in the near future: albums
  1. The Shins - Wincing the Night Away
  2. Justice - †
  3. Electrelane - No Shouts, No Calls
  4. Shout Out Louds - Our Ill Wills
  5. Phoenix - It's Never Been Like That
  6. !!! - Myth Takes
  7. Apparat and Ellen Allien - Orchestra of Bubbles
  8. CSS - S/T
  9. Electric Six - Switzerland
  10. We Are Scientists - With Love and Squalor

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posted by carlytron @ 2:28 PM, , links to this post


Saturday, March 24, 2007

Top Ten List from "How I Met Your Mother"

I have to post this, if only so that I can always go back and read it. On the most recent episode of "How I Met Your Mother," Barney stole Ted's moving truck and converted the back of it into some kind of sex den. Eventually Ted got the truck back and subsequentally returned it (as it was a rental, after all). The episode ends with Barney reciting the following Top Ten list, David Letterman style (he even giggles):

The Top Ten Things I Would've Called My Truck If Ted Hadn't Been A Jerk And Given It Back

10. The Winne-bang-o
9. The Pick-Up Truck
8. The Ford Explore-her
7. The You Scream Truck
6. Feels On Wheels
5. The Ride-her Truck
4. The 18-Squealer
3. The Esca-laid
2. The Slam-boni

And the Number 1 Thing I Would've Called My Truck If Ted Hadn't Been A Jerk And Given It Back ...
1. the 69 chevy

View the extended version here. The extended version includes these additional gems:

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posted by carlytron @ 3:22 AM, , links to this post